Forums

The Gravity Bong :: Forums :: Community :: The Lounge
This will be the TMI thread. << Previous thread | Next thread >>
Go to page  1 2 3 4 5 [6] 7 8
Moderators: Helix, silent, DrakeMegrim, Skyhawk, khamir-ubitch, Dickbut, holyass, GravyTrain, Blast_Tyrant, SoraPiroB, cosmic_marbles, Wolfwarrior27
Author Post
malonda82
Wed Jul 11 2012, 01:56AM


Steam Alias: Natascha
Class: Heavy
Posts: 570
Liked 0 times in 0 posts

You know you males think you are so nasty, but damn, some chicks, they put you men to shame. Some of the things that we have to deal with its a wonder we haven't evolved past this nonsense. I mean, really, do I REALLY have to deal with this shit for 5 days EVERY FUCKING MONTH?? And the cramping, bloating, headaches, oh please.

As far as rubbing one out vs sex...REALLY??!? Like REALLY?

There. I have officially tainted your blog with my evil femininity.







Back to top
khamir-ubitch
Wed Jul 11 2012, 09:53AM



Steam Alias: [BonG] Dr. KhAmiR M.D.
Class: Medic
Posts: 3985
Liked 252 times in 114 posts

malonda82 wrote ...

You know you males think you are so nasty, but damn, some chicks, they put you men to shame. Some of the things that we have to deal with its a wonder we haven't evolved past this nonsense. I mean, really, do I REALLY have to deal with this shit for 5 days EVERY FUCKING MONTH?? And the cramping, bloating, headaches, oh please.

As far as rubbing one out vs sex...REALLY??!? Like REALLY?

There. I have officially tainted your blog with my evil femininity.


Funny story:

Last year, we had to provide wireless access to some student apartments (not typical student housing). It just so happened most of the student athletes lived there. As part of the project, I had to go do a site survey to see what the air looked like and how our signals would propagate thought the area.

In doing so, we had to visit just about every apartment and people were notified a week in advance any time we had to go do work. Once when we surveyed the area (went inside very room, every closet) and again when we went back to install the devices (mostly the living area and/or laundry areas).

Long story short: The women were BY FAR the nastiest. I saw things I wish I could un-see. From multiple pairs of dirty encrysted (with ??) underwear on bedroom floors to dishes stacked up next to computers, bathrooms overflowing with trash and what not...wow.

That's because they were notified. Terrible. I mean, you look at their volleyball or tennis photo and think to yourself "Do they treat personal hygiene the same way?" I remember trying to connect the fact that some of these fit, good looking women were filthy pigs (and not in the desirable way)! Don't get me wrong, I know that looks have nothing to do with it, but it's just not something you think about on a daily basis.










[ Edited Wed Jul 11 2012, 10:02AM ]
Back to top
Skyhawk
Wed Jul 11 2012, 10:16AM



Steam Alias: Skyhawk
Class: Medic
Posts: 2514
Liked 113 times in 63 posts

malonda82 wrote ...

As far as rubbing one out vs sex...REALLY??!? Like REALLY?


OK, maybe not better, but certainly more efficient. With less energy expended, it's like a 3 to 1 quantity ratio.








Back to top
Kitt
Wed Jul 11 2012, 10:40AM


Steam Alias: Kitt
Class: Pyro
Posts: 169
Liked 0 times in 0 posts

Evolving out of it would basically mean we wouldn't be able to produce children and that would probably be sad. Besides, if ladies don't want it to be all nasty down there and don't wanna deal with cramps, get yo ass on the pill. Teeny injection in your butt once every 3 months and none of that crappy stuff ever again, HOORAY!

Also it can be better than sex, it has its place, you know, like when you're too damn lazy to be caring about someone elses pleasure at the same time.


And as for you Khamir, I discovered while men aren't exactly clean, they're more likely to be clean in case they get laid. A woman doesn't feel she has that problem, especially not in places like colleges, sleeping with a woman is a gift from god clearly so they're convinced you'll ignore their nasty ass because your want to sleep with them overrides your want to not die of unknown disease.

My addition to this thread, Today I was sent a link imparting on me the knowledge that men can also get yeast infections in their junk. Then another link to teach me what "dick cheese" was.

I am no longer attracted to the male body.







Back to top
DrakeMegrim
Wed Jul 11 2012, 11:26AM


Steam Alias: WD!!! Drake
Class: Demoman
Posts: 3518
Liked 113 times in 74 posts

malonda82 wrote ...

As far as rubbing one out vs sex...REALLY??!? Like REALLY?


Don't you mean rubbing one in?








Back to top
Mackerel
Fri Apr 26 2013, 02:50PM


Steam Alias: What, you wanna be my gf or something?
Class: Engineer
Posts: 339
Liked 0 times in 0 posts

it's fucking 3am and i just woke up with morning wood

I DON'T NEED THIS AT ALL.







Back to top
lexicalpedant
Sat Apr 27 2013, 12:27AM


Steam Alias: lexicalpedant
Class: Demoman
Posts: 588
Liked 0 times in 0 posts

Mackerel wrote ...

it's fucking 3am and i just woke up with morning wood

I DON'T NEED THIS AT ALL.

That happens to me regularly. Every month or so have a night where i wake up every 30 fucking minutes with wood and no idea what the fuck I was dreaming about.







Back to top
ProfessorJerk
Sat Apr 27 2013, 02:14AM


Steam Alias: Same as here (usually)
Class: Pyro
Posts: 1756
Liked 21 times in 5 posts

lexicalpedant wrote ...

and no idea what the fuck I was dreaming about.


Me.







Back to top
ProfessorJerk
Sat Apr 27 2013, 02:38AM


Steam Alias: Same as here (usually)
Class: Pyro
Posts: 1756
Liked 21 times in 5 posts

I've probably shared this one on the server before, but I may as well put it here. This is gonna be long because it's a better story if I go into pointless minutia.

A few years ago my wife and I went to a big punk show in Baltimore. We had a few friends in her car, and were meeting a buddy of ours from CT down there; he had a carload of Canadian dudes.

I have a ton of friends in the punk/ hardcore scene down there from playing a ton of shows in Baltimore, and our friend from CT brought a bunch of coke to sell and asked me if I could help him move it since I knew people. Told him I'd do what I could but most of the people down there already have a hookup and aren't likely to go to a random guy from Connecticut.

Anyway, turns out I was right... dude didn't sell a single bag. he was nervous about driving both ways with a huge bag of coke, so he asked me to help him dispose of it when we got back to the hotel.

Coke is not usually my thing; I do it MAYBE every other year, and it's always a spur of the moment "fuck it, I'm already trashed so I may as well get some different drugs in the mix" type of thing. My room was literally four straightedge kids and myself, and they all passed out once we got back to the hotel, so the party took place in his room.

I should point out that I spent the majority of the show backstage, because backstage had free whiskey and people were handing me pills left and right. so I was pretty fucking obliterated when he and I got into the powder. He was pretty fucked up himself, so we decided that it'd be best to just do a few lines each, pop some Xanax and try to get some sleep.

Hahahhaha yeah right. We'd do a few lines, pop a Xanny, then plan to pass out after smoking a cigarette. Of course halfway through the cigarette we're saying fuck it and digging our house keys into the coke, then suddenly just doing more lines. This would be followed by "we should really fucking pass out after this," then the Xanax/ cigarette/ bumps routine, followed by more lines.

We finally went into bed around eight in the morning, and only because we were both out of cigarettes. I'd say that I have no idea how I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow after doing so much cocaine, but... Xanax. Lots of Xanax. Yeah.

Apparently I woke up to check out of the hotel at 11am without an issue, but I have absolutely no recollection of doing so, or any of the ride home till we were about twenty minutes away from my apartment. I do know that I felt like absolute shit though, but I brought that on myself.

So we drop our friends off, and get back to the house with just one dude who had flown in from Cali for the show. His flight was that evening, so the plan was to chill at the apartment for a bit, then I'd walk him to the subway that night, as the wife was going down to Jersey to visit her parents.

He and I head out when it's time, and a few blocks away from the subway my stomach goes from "man I fucking hate you" mode to "hey asshole, you've got business to attend to" mode, so I tell him I'm gonna jump into Dunkin Donuts for a cup of coffee and let him walk the last block to the train himself. I get into Dunkin, and as they're making my iced coffee, the slight rumbling in my stomach becomess a bit of cramping and some farts that I am terrified to release. I grab my coffee, hand them a few bucks and run out the door.

The next three and a half blocks are spent fucking power walking home, as I am afraid to run but celerity is 100% an important factor in this situation. My stomach is killing me, but it is what it is. Sometimes you just have to bite your lower lip, curse the lack of public bathrooms in your neighborhood, and move your ass.

But about a block and a half away from my house, my stomach makes an audible groan, and as important as moving fast is, it's no longer an option. I have to sort of shuffle home with my ass cheeks clenched tight or things are gonna get messy. This is no longer a normal "I really have to take a shit" situation; this is my digestive system telling me that it hates my substance abuse. I'm not a religious dude at all, but I think I prayed during that last block and a half, and it paid off - my front door was in sight and my keys were in my hand.

I don't think I've ever worked a lock so quickly in my life, and I was actually removing my pants as I was walking in the front door. I dropped my coffee on my desk as soon as I was in the apartment, and made a beeline toward the bathroom with my cats looking at me like I was the biggest douchebag on the planet. But fuck it man, I am feet from my toi- fuck.

I am literally in front of my open bathroom door, and my sphincter and intestines just gave up. It wasn't the entire load, but I dropped a good chunk of it on the floor of the hallway outside of my bathroom. I dunno how many of you guys have gone on a coke binge, but it was my saving grace here, despite the fact that it played a hand in this whole dilemma - coke shits are the most solid shits you will ever take. It was like a few rocks dropped out of my butthole, and you know what? I honestly didn't fucking care, because I still had business to attend to, so I just kept god damn moving. That little bit didn't offer me the slightest bit of relief, and I punished my toilet like no toilet has been punished before. While I was taking care of business, I texted my wife. I wish I had screen capped it or something, but I remember it almost verbatim:

"Hey baby, how was the ride down? Say hi to your parents for me. Also I shit on the floor of the hallway because I rule."

I am a lucky motherfucker for two reasons here. 1: despite the fact that my wife is straightedge, she is not only tolerant of my "hobbies," but she usually finds the antics that they result to be in amusing as hell. 2: I have hardwood floors.







Back to top
Mackerel
Sat Apr 27 2013, 04:09PM


Steam Alias: What, you wanna be my gf or something?
Class: Engineer
Posts: 339
Liked 0 times in 0 posts

2: I have hardwood floors.


I'm so glad you clarified this.
Have a gif for your troubles.








Back to top
Go to page  1 2 3 4 5 [6] 7 8  

Jump:     Back to top


Syndicate this thread: rss 0.92 Syndicate this thread: rss 2.0 Syndicate this thread: RDF
The Gravity Bong Community Forums
Render time: 0.1210 sec, 0.0202 of that for queries. DB queries: 72. Memory Usage: 2,713kB